To Koreans, today is one of the national holidays when we commemorate the March 1st Movement in 1919. This year in 2017, it also happened to be Ash Wednesday. I have been observing Lent since college. As my pastor said on this past Sunday, what’s important is not what I am giving up or not giving up but our attitude to ready our heart for the Easter. I am giving up wheat for this Lent. I have done it before and along with that, I am trying to be more moderate with how much I eat. I can be so easily enslaved to the pleasure of eating that I need to be careful.
Along with this fast, I am going to find time to pray intentionally. I am going to pray for my heart not only to be ready for the Easter but also for the mission. God is giving me this mission at this specific time of my life for a reason. Everything is connecting dots in my head. I just wish I could organize this in a way that I can share with others. It’s such an exhilarating experience. Theoretically, I have been telling myself that everything I have gone through is part of training for that big moment but the fact that I can actually see these things come together is a whole different level of recognizing God’s sovereignty.
I know it will be a hard journey but like what I heard when I was in one of the chapels in college, if it’s not daunting to me, it probably is insulting to God. I just have this incredible sense of being taken care by God. God will teach me what it means to live by faith. He will teach me about giving and receiving vertically. He will teach me compassion. He will teach me different skills. I can already see so many lessons that will come from this opportunity to go to Jordan. I, frankly, do not want to waste any of my time fretting over it. I want to give my 100% in learning, in serving, and in praying.
I am so humbled because God chose me for this task. He knows I will fail. He knows my weaknesses. But He also knows that I won’t be alone. He knows how much growth and fruits will be produced through this. Even though I do not have everything together, even though I fail, even though I lose heart, even though I lack so much, God would choose me. God would work with and through me. I am so excited about this journey I am embarking. I want to ready my heart. I want to shower myself with prayer time that I spend my own but also with prayers from others. I want to experience grace like I have never had before.